Well, hello there, friends. It’s been longer than planned, as it always seems to be. But no matter, I’m still here, still typing, which is better than nothing, right? Or maybe not. Oh well.
So. Best news first. I’m having top surgery tomorrow. I’ve been meaning to update here earlier, but I had my pre-op assessment on Thursday last week, and I’m due for admission for bilateral mastectomy tomorrow at 11am. Cue dramatic music.
I’m less nervous than I thought I’d be. Even in the pre-op assessment, when they had to do all kinds of tests and swabs and things, and I had to see several different people for several different things, but I panicked no more than any other time I’m outside. And the parts about tomorrow that worry me most are the interactive bits. I’ve been told that there will be people galore coming and going and lots of chaos, albeit in an organised way, and the fact that people will have to be trusted completely, when I’m unconscious, to Do Their Thing despite my existence as a strange little lump of confused humanity (and thus, of course, worthy of nothing other than ridicule and pain, according to the angry little bastard inside my phobic brain cells).
The procedure itself worries me far less, amusingly, even though it turned out that I need the double incision despite my initial sort-of-flat-chestedness (Mr Yelland, my surgeon, took his first look and said “too much skin”). Ditto for the recovery. Uni starts up again on Monday, and I have computer lab sessions that day which I don’t intend to miss. I guess that makes a point about how easily my phobey brain can take over most things with its own selfish agenda: panic, and lots of it. Just not about the logical things. Anyway.
I’ve got some packing to do (these people will be seeing me sans clothes, which is terrifying, but I will fill my bags with everything soft for post-operative comfort purposes, the thought of which makes up for it somewhat), so I’ll stop typing there.
Updates to come when I’m back. Hopefully.