Out of curiosity, I’d be interested to hear what other transpeople have done, or intend to do, when faced with an interrogation immediately upon coming out. Itchy comment-fingers at the ready, please.
This was one of the frustration points for me of late, and while it’s not the first time it’s happened (nor do I expect it to be the last), it still bothers me every time. Now I’m less annoyed, and I’ve been forced to admit that posting while angry is not the best idea for me, I’m coming back to the subject with an inqusitive and open mind.
So far, in my coming out adventures, I’ve had an overwhelming majority of Perfect Little Positives in response. And the Awful Shitty Not At All Positives have been categorised as follows… just so I can adjust my acid-spit-o-meter accordingly when I encounter them again. Of course.
- The Silent Ones. These are the ones who have mysteriously managed to miss every single piece of trans information that comes their way. Which, by now, is far less of a mystery. Slightly disconcerting ones, but generally harmless. I like to hope that they just need more time.
- The Incredibly, Amazingly, Painfully Busy Ones. These are the ones who Knew And Acknowledged, usually less enthusiastically than The Aforementioned Kind Ones. You know, their responses being “oh” or “I see” or a similarly lukewarm sentiment. And then, out of nowhere, their workloads have all exploded, and suddenly they fade into nothingness on The Social Radar. Not to be confused with The Actually Genuinely Painfully Busy Ones (and don’t worry, I can tell the difference). I might be cruel or unfair in my attitude here, but good bleeping riddance.
- The (Over-) Enthusiasts. These are the ones who can potentially cause problems. They’re a bit like a vermin infestation – persistent, bloody irritating and impossible to annihilate. They try to disguise ignorance and nosiness as innocent curiosity, and underestimate my ability to tell the two apart. And here comes the Point Making.
So, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, it’s the latter that are my problem at the moment. These are the once who, before asking your preferred name or pronouns, have asked you several intimate questions about exactly how, when, where and why you’ll be inviting scalpels and their handlers into your nether regions. (The assumption that you will be doing so at some point has already been made, please note.)
While I’m painfully self-conscious about many things, my transition is not one of them, so I actually don’t mind discussing such details… under different circumstances, anyway. I’m not very good at telling people to shove it, especially if I actually don’t mind the question itself, but I feel like I should develop a strategy.
You know, a witty one-liner that simultaneously embarrasses them, calls them out on what would normally be a giant social faux-pas (but apparently not if you’re dealing with a transperson, a point on which I won’t even start; thoughts, anyone…?), puts them off ever doing it again to you or anyone else, and still encourages the Genuinely Supportive Ones to ask the same kinds of questions at a later date if they really are interested, because you know me, I love to educate…
So rather than ranting on and on about the ignorance and audacity of these people to ask such questions and expectingto be answered, seemingly without any consideration to the simple – and admittedly rather obvious – fact that it is fucking rude, I’m looking for rightful-place-putting suggestions.