While I have the time to spare, I thought I’d mention some brilliant timing… at the same time as making a Big Point of my new surname. I’ve just got an appointment at Gender Care for next Saturday, with Dr Lorimer (a Legend With A Capital L if there ever was one) so I’m in a very good mood, despite the exhaustion and all.
Some very cool people I’ve encountered during my long and desperate search for friends in the LGBT+ community have been linking to a new magazine on the lookout for LGBT+ contributors… which is lucky, since it’s an LGBT+ magazine. New record for the use of “LGBT+” in a single sentence, methinks…?
And I just couldn’t help but think how perfect the timing was. I’ve already informally registered my interest, and will email them with full, essay-length (and possibly painful) details of my irritating enthusiasm once my final test is over and I’ve had a well-deserved (if I do say so myself) sleep. But the reasons for the brilliance are… several-fold? I haven’t counted, and I’m honestly too tired to bother now, so I’m leaving it vague for now.
Firstly, I’ve just finalised my name, although it’s still not fully incorporated into Real Life, as I’m now being called different things by different people (and none of them are my birth name). Which is ever so slightly confusing. But anyway. So I can volunteer for things now, with a name I’m comfortable using, and just in time… up popped Equal Magazine (their WordPress, and their Tumblr, for anyone who’s interested – incredible graphics, just to add).
Secondly, it’s all happening just as term is finishing, so I’m actually going to have time to spare to write (and other things)… and for once, I’ll have a good reason to. Instead of procrastination, which is my usual reason, I’m sad to admit.
Thirdly, I’ve been feeling more and more that I need some real contact with People Like Me. Not that The Others aren’t enough; in fact, many deserve medals for how mature they have been. It’s just that sometimes, I really just need to know that people will hear me and just…get it, you know? No explanations, no awkward questions, no overthinking or worrying about being judged (which is pretty much all the time with me). No forced educations; that gets tiring for even the most willing every once in a while, you have my word on that.
Fourthly, it’s perfect because it’s just in time for my Metaphorical Blossoming. Since starting uni last September, I have gone from a closeted, social phobic, depressive weirdo to an out-and-proud, much-less-social-phobic, hardly-ever-depressive… well, I’m still a weirdo, but I’m a lot more comfortable about it now. And how boring would the world be without the Happy Weirdos in it? I rest my case.
Lastly, writing is one of the few things that I can actually do by choice, regardless of how I’m feeling. It serves as a record for the unexpected brilliance that occasionally floats my way (although I’ve noticed that they’re like buses: months of Pathetic Nothingness and then it all comes at once to bring me back from the brink). At the same time, it has saved my sanity on a number of occasions when sympathetic people had all but vanished; had it not been for my many trusty Moleskine notebooks – kudos to Mr Finch for introducing me to them – I would not still be here. Of that one, I’m certain, so I owe a lot to writing.
And I’d like to think I’m not terrible at it either. On a good day. I might even be funny sometimes… on the rare occasion that I find myself having an urge to write, but no Big Point to make, usually. So I quite like the idea of being paid for it. Although I would still happily contribute for free, I should point out. But all money I make at the moment will go towards my Gendery Things, and I’m a student (nuff said), so I wouldn’t turn it down…
That was all I had to say, really. Just the greatest timing in the world, coupled with hyperactive energy left over from getting my work done earlier than expected for once in my life compelling me to shove it in the face of humanity. As you do.
I should go away and sleep now. Now sleep, that’s one thing that damn well owes me. Several weeks’ worth. So I’m going to collect my debt at last. Priming out.